What Not to Do
by Bratette
Summary: Have you ever wondered what not to do in a chipmunk fanfiction? Read this to find out! This story has Mary Sue OCs, overused plots, OOC characters, and more!
1. Andromeda Smith

**A/N: On my old account that got hacked a long time ago, I had a story like this. I never got to finish it because it got deleted whenever I was hacked, and I've always been sad I couldn't finish it.**

**Today I decided I'd start writing it again, because it was really fun to write.**

**I hope you guys like it as much as people did the first time I was writing it!**

**This first chapter is about Mary Sue OCs. I'm not personally writing about anyone in this chapter, it's just a general idea of what OCs are like.**

**The chipmunk fandom is one of the worst fandoms whenever it comes to OCs. It's littered with them, and most people end up liking their OCs more than the canon characters. That's just sad.**

**Disclaimer: The Chipmunks, Chipettes, and any other canon characters that will show up in this belong to Ross and Janice.**

* * *

**How to Not Write an OC**

* * *

"I'm so ugly," a depressed little Chipette muttered, sadly staring at her flawless reflection.

Her name was Andromeda Smith. She had a unique and beautiful first name because she was a very special girl, and she had a boring common last name because the author didn't care enough to think of a better one.

Her eyes were a bright neon purple. Andromeda hated her eyes. They were so unique, so different! So genetically impossible!

And her face... it was so beautiful, but she just couldn't see it. She was very self conscious and insecure, but what she didn't realize was that everyone loved her. Literally. Everyone.

She was short like Eleanor, as thin as Jeanette, and had the same hair color as Brittany. But her hair at least was more special, more unique, because it had purple highlights in it that brought out her gorgeous eyes.

"You're not ugly, Andromeda!" Brittany insisted, which was totally in character for her. "You're so pretty. I wish I was as pretty as you."

"Yeah," Eleanor agreed with a sigh. "We can only _try_ to be as great as you are..."

"But that'll probably never happen," Jeanette finished for her sister with an even louder sigh.

Andromeda stared at them with sympathy. She had a complete heart of gold. "Girls, don't worry, you're great too. Just not as great or as important as me."

She was also very humble.

"Besides," Andromeda continued, looking depressed again, "I'm just an ordinary Chipette..."

"More like extra ordinal," Jeanette said.

"Don't you mean extraordinary?" Andromeda corrected her.

Andromeda was even smarter than Jeanette. Was there anything she couldn't do?

"Wait, did you call yourself a Chipette?" Brittany asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well yeah... that's what I am. It's a species." Andromeda stared at Brittany as if she were an idiot.

"No," Brittany shook her head. "That's not a species. It's me, Jeanette, and Eleanor's band name."

"Oh yeah? Well then how come every single female OC is a Chipette? That's obviously what girl chipmunks are called!" Andromeda rolled her eyes, her arms now crossed.

Eleanor stared at Andromeda, looking confused as she began to come back to her senses. "How did you even get in our house?" she demanded. "We don't even _know_ you."

"I'm your long lost sister or cousin or whatever cliche family relation the author decides to give me." Andromeda explained.

"Oh," the three Chipettes nodded in understanding.

Suddenly, the sound of the phone ringing interrupted their conversation.

"I'll get it!" Andromeda said. She was so helpful.

Andromeda picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi Andromeda," she heard Simon say from the other line.

Her heart sped up. Andromeda was totally in love with Simon. It wasn't because her personality was compatible with his or because they made a good couple. It was just because the author herself totally loved Simon and this was her way of writing herself into a story without anyone noticing.

"I was just wondering..." Simon continued, sounding really shy and nervous to be talking to someone as great as Andromeda, "Would you like to go to prom with me?"

"YES!" Andromeda squealed and then hung up before any actual plot development could happen.

"Who was that?" Jeanette asked.

"Simon," Andromeda grinned. "He's taking me to prom!"

"But Simon is my counterpart..." Jeanette stared at her in shock.

"Who cares? I'm better than all of you canon characters." Andromeda said.

Jeanette nodded sadly. "You're right..."

Feeling a little bad because Andromeda was such a sweet person, she put a friendly hand on Jeanette's shoulder.

"Don't worry, Jeanette," she said comfortingly. "Maybe the author will decide to write me an OC counterpart that's a total rip off of Simon. And because he's an OC, he'll be better than Simon. So then you can have him back."

Jeanette wiped away tears. "You're such a good person, Andromeda. When will we canon characters ever be as amazing as OCs like you?"

Andromeda smiled. "Never."

* * *

**A/N: Have you guys ever read about OCs like Andromeda?**

**I know I have. Way too many times.**

**Don't forget to review! I'm guessing I might get some flames on this from bitter OC people, but I don't really care. It'll amuse me.**

**Next chapter should be up soon, which will be a chapter on how to not write Alvittany. I'm super excited to write that. :)**


	2. Alvittany

**A/N: Wow! Thank you for all of the fast reviews!**

**I wouldn't have updated this so soon, but I got reviews quick enough and decided... why not?**

**I'll be replying to a few reviews at the end of this. **

**But for now, enjoy the next chapter... which is about how you shouldn't write Alvittany!**

**Seriously though. Please. Do NOT write them like this.**

* * *

**How to Not Write Alvittany**

* * *

On a beautiful sunny day, Alvin and Brittany were sitting under a large tree.

It was a very romantic spot, because Alvin and Brittany were a very romantic couple.

They'd fallen in love upon first sight. Alvin had thought Brittany was the most gorgeous and nicest girl he had ever seen, and Brittany had thought Alvin was extremely handsome and very sweet.

They'd gotten along immediately, becoming absolute best friends, until they soon started dating.

And now, sitting under that large tree in that romantically romantic spot, Alvin and Brittany's relationship was stronger than ever!

"I love you, Brittany," Alvin said for no apparent reason. He was just _that_ good of a boyfriend.

"I love you too," Brittany said, hugging Alvin close.

She couldn't believe she'd gotten so lucky to have someone like Alvin! What did he see in her? Whatever it was, she didn't see it... because that was totally in character for her.

Suddenly, Charlene appeared literally out of nowhere. She waved at Alvin in a flirty manner.

"Hi, Alvin," she said, batting her eyelashes.

Alvin pushed Brittany aside and stared at Charlene, his jaw practically hanging open. "Hi Charlene, when did you start existing again?"

"Whenever the author decided they needed some lame villain to break you and Brittany up for drama," Charlene explained with a giggle. "Totally original, right?"

Then, without another word, Alvin and Charlene walked off from the romantic tree spot holding hands. Brittany sat and cried. She was heartbroken.

* * *

Later at home, Brittany was still crying.

She couldn't believe Alvin had left her for a protoype!

"It's okay, Brittany," Jeanette attempted to comfort her.

"No it's not!" Brittany sobbed into her pillow. "I'm not good enough for Alvin and I never will be!"

"Yeah, you must be a pretty bad girlfriend to get left for someone who doesn't even exist." Jeanette agreed.

Brittany sat up, staring at Jeanette in disbelief.

"That's so out of character for you to say," she said slowly. "That was mean."

"Well, everyone else is acting out of character, what's the point?" Jeanette asked with a shrug.

Brittany nodded, blowing her nose into a convenient tissue. "That's true."

"Think on the bright side," Jeanette added. "At least you weren't written into this as the villain."

"That's true," Brittany smiled a little.

"Don't get too happy," Jeanette continued with a smile of her own. "In some other story you'll probably be the villain for a story about me and Simon. Everyone knows how evil you are and how you're out to get all of us."

Brittany began to cry even harder.

Just then Eleanor stepped into the room, looking concerned once she noticed Brittany crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked, rushing over to her sister.

"Alvin left me for a girl that doesn't even exist!" Brittany said, sobbing even louder as she had to explain the tragedy a second time.

Jeanette rubbed Brittany's arm soothingly. "She's very upset," she added to Eleanor.

"Well then you don't need him," Eleanor said.

Brittany frowned, looking confused. "Huh?"

"You don't need him," Eleanor repeated. "You're a strong girl, you can move on with your life."

"No I can't!" Brittany screeched. "I need a boy to live! All of us do! God, you can be so insensitive sometimes."

"Seriously, Eleanor, stop acting in character!" Jeanette shook her head, looking beyond offended. "Everyone knows we're only here to be toys for the boys. Without them we can't even function right."

Before Eleanor could say anything else, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Brittany said sadly.

She walked downstairs and opened the door. A look of surprise crossed her face once she saw who was there.

"Alvin?" she gasped in surprise.

"Brittany," Alvin said, looking deeply sorry for his wrongdoings, "I came to apologize. I'm so sorry for what I did, and now I'm going to get down on my knees and beg for you to take me back because that's a very realistic thing for me to do."

Brittany waited excitedly, and just like he'd said, Alvin got down on his knees.

"Please Brittany," he said, taking her hand. "Forgive me. I can't live without you. I'll DIE without you."

"Oh, Alvin!" Brittany gushed. "Of course I'll forgive you! You're the boy in this relationship, you're always going to be forgiven easily!"

"I was hoping you'd say that..." Alvin said, pulling out a convenient ring.

Brittany gasped. "Alvin..."

"Brittany La'Quisha Miller, will you marry me?" Alvin asked.

"Yes! Of course I'll marry—" Brittany paused, beginning to look confused. "Wait... what's with the random and out of place middle name that I don't have?"

"I don't know," Alvin shrugged. "Ask the author, not me."

"Well then in that case," Brittany gave Alvin a big, totally romantic kiss. "Of course I'll marry you, Alvin Shaquanda Seville!"

Then they got married and lived happily ever after.

* * *

**Before someone tells me they've never read an Alvittany story like this...**

**Keep in mind that this is a PARODY! It's an exaggeration on what you'll find in this archive.**

**But I have seen many people write Alvittany as a disgustingly sweet couple. I have seen people act like the girls need the boys to live. I have seen people use Charlene, a character that doesn't exist, simply because they need a villain. I have seen people give them random middle names.**

**Just because this is written in an exaggerated way so that it can be funny doesn't mean what I'm writing doesn't actually happen. Just like there are OCs like Andromeda are in this archive.**

**Now I'm going to reply to a few reviews that I've gotten.**

**7thchipmunk: I never said every single OC is like that. I even said myself it was just a general idea. Try not to put words in my mouth, kay?**

**EmilyAnaya19: I have read about many OCs. How could I not have? It's people like you that make sure there's plenty of them in the archive. And no matter how you try to justify using "Chipette" as a term for female chipmunks, you'll never be right.**

**The Simonette254: I can't believe you went to leave me a flame and forgot to log out of your account. Thanks for showing your true colors so that I could call you out on it. You've been hating on people behind a mask for a long time. That's sad. :/**

**Speaking of hiding behind a mask...**

**To the anonymous review that I deleted because it was so offensive: You need some serious help. I'm worried about your mental health. Enough said.**

**Now, to all of you people getting upset, you can KEEP getting upset if you want. It won't stop me from writing it, this is even more fun than the first time I wrote it. ;)**

**To all of the people reviewing that know how to take a joke: Thank you! You're awesome.**

**Next chapter is going to be a chapter like this for Simonette.**


	3. Simonette

**A/N: Ugh, this is so addicting to write for because it's so fun!**

**sarahdee77: Don't worry, I'm not worrying about them. If they can't come off anonymous and show their faces that just shows how pathetic they are. xD**

**MissSteph22: Oh GOD no, you are not the only one that hates that they have an option to select an OC as a main character! That shows how ridiculous this fandom is with OCs! And about Charlene, yeah, people need to educate themselves. So many people think she's real because they think she's in "Crocodile Rock" whenever that's Brittany. She was on the character list too but I emailed fanfiction about it and they removed her. ;)**

**To everyone else: Thank you so much for your reviews! I love you!**

**Now, on to the next chapter... Simonette.**

**Every time a person writes a story like this, real Simonette fans weep.**

* * *

**How to Not Write Simonette**

* * *

Jeanette stared into a mirror, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Why did she have to be born with the cursed nerdy gene?

She hated her glasses. She hated her messy hair. She hated her baggy clothes. She hated everything about herself!

Never mind the fact that she'd had an entire episode in the actual show centered around the fact that she was proud to be who she was, never mind ANY of that useless crap. She was a girl, and that meant she had to hate everything about herself.

Not to mention, because of the pathetic way she was, she'd NEVER get her totally amazing and perfect crush, Simon, to love her!

She cried louder, which was why Brittany conveniently strolled into the room.

"What's wrong, Jeanette?" she asked.

"I'm an ugly nerd and because of that Simon will never love me!" Jeanette sobbed.

"Aww, Jeanette, that's not true." Brittany insisted.

Jeanette rubbed at her swollen ugly green eyes, looking over at her sister in surprise. "Really?"

"Well, I mean, that part about you being an ugly nerd is true..." Brittany admitted, "but not the part about Simon never loving you! We can fix that."

"How?" Jeanette demanded.

Brittany grinned. "Just trust me."

* * *

Hours later, a brand new Jeanette was now staring into a mirror again.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" she asked.

"Of course it will!" Brittany said firmly. "Look at you, you're sexy now. Everyone knows that's the most important thing to a relationship. How else do you think I got Alvin to start dating such an annoying bitch like me? Love is all about appearances."

Jeanette looked over her new self carefully.

She had on a skimpy tube top, a mini-skirt, fishnet tights, and stiletto heels. Makeup was caked onto her face. She'd traded in her glasses for contacts.

"I really do look beautiful," Jeanette whispered in awe.

"Now don't forget, you've got to completely change your personality too for Simon to still be able to love you." Brittany reminded her.

Jeanette nodded. Then, with a new air of confidence, she set off to find Simon.

* * *

After hours of searching, Jeanette found Simon in the last place she thought to look... his room.

"Simon?" she said, opening his door without even knocking. The new personality she'd decided to give herself was a totally badass one.

"Hi Jeanette," Simon said, sounding bored. But then he actually looked over at her and his eyes widened. "Jeanette!"

"Hey big boy," Jeanette winked. She wasn't used to being sexy, though, so her wink kind of looked more like an eye twitch than anything.

"What... what happened to you?" Simon asked, rushing over to her.

He was blushing and looked really nervous to be even standing in Jeanette's presence. Because everyone knows Simon is totally the shy one in their relationship, duh.

"Brittany gave me a makeover," Jeanette said with a flirtatious giggle that she had practiced previously. "Do you like it?"

"It's completely different from how you were before..." Simon observed, his eyes wide. "Of course I like it!"

Feeling very bold because of her new sexy personality and attitude, Jeanette pulled Simon into a sloppy kiss. There was lots of tongue involved and all of that sexy stuff.

Eventually Simon and Jeanette found themselves laying together in bed, their arms around one another. They were now completely in love because of Jeanette's huge transformation for Simon.

"This is the best day of my life," Jeanette sighed blissfully. "I wonder when the author is going to add in cliche drama so that our new found happiness will take a terrible turn."

"Maybe Brittany will get really jealous of how great she did with her makeover on you and try to ruin your life." Simon guessed.

"That's possible. Or Alvin can see how sexy I look now and fall in love with me." Jeanette said, nodding thoughtfully.

"Those two are so evil," Simon muttered. "Why do we even put up with them?"

"Because they're great for out of character drama, Simon. You know that." Jeanette reminded him.

After that the two of them continued to just lay there, basking in their love for one another.

They continued to live a happy but full of drama life from then on, all because Jeanette had made the smart decision to completely change who she was for a guy.

* * *

**A/N: Well wasn't that SEXY. *fans self***

**Seriously though. Why do so many people in this fandom think Jeanette has to change herself for Simon to like her? Shouldn't he like her for who she REALLY is?**

**Why do so many people write Simon as painfully shy and annoyingly nice? Simon's so great because he's sarcastic and has a witty sense of humor. He's hilarious. Don't take that away from him!**

**And why do some of you people keep making Alvin and Brittany horrible monsters in Simonette stories just for drama? You know there's other ways to create drama without totally screwing up a character, don't you?**

**Next up is Theonor. That one is gonna be interesting.**


	4. Theonor

**A/N: Yay! Time to read about how you shouldn't write Theonor!**

**Theodore and Eleanor are hardly written about (which makes me sad, they deserve love too) but most of the time whenever they are they're written horribly wrong. That makes me even sadder.**

* * *

**How to Not Write Theonor**

* * *

Theodore and Eleanor were in the kitchen, which was where they pretty much ALWAYS were. Why? Because all they did with their free time was cook food, eat food, talk about food, you name it!

"I think this cake is turning out great," Eleanor announced happily.

"Me too," Theodore giggled.

Theodore pretty much acted like a five year old most of the time. He never did anything useful and was just there to make funny comments and act cute.

Eleanor was the same way! She was nothing but a clone of Theodore. No way was she a spunky, confident athlete... oh no. She was just a carbon copy of Theodore, who was extremely sweet and shy and loved food more than anything.

Food. They both loved food so much. Food, food, food... food. They had no other interests but food. That was it.

Just then, as Eleanor went to step off of the stool she had to stand on to reach the counter, she nearly _tripped!_

But her macho and strong Theodore was there to catch her.

"I'll save you, Eleanor!" he cried out dramatically, and sprung forward to grab the blonde damsel in distress before she cracked her head open on the kitchen floor.

"Oh, Theodore," Eleanor swooned once she had been saved. "You're so amazing! Where would I be without you? You're so much braver than me, so much stronger... I mean, it's not like in reality I could totally kick your ass or anything."

"Of course you couldn't, gumdrop," Theodore told her sweetly. They loved using _food_ pet names for each other. Food! God, did Theodore and Eleanor love food.

After Eleanor had recovered from her almost terrible fall, they finished making their cake and sat down at the table to eat it.

Beside them sat a family portrait of Theodore and his two brothers, Alvin and Simon.

"Boy, I sure miss those two," Theodore said sadly.

"Yeah, and I miss my sisters," Eleanor sniffled. "They never have time for us anymore... now that they're older than us."

Poor little Theodore and Eleanor were just in middle school, whereas Alvin and Brittany were in high school, and Simon and Jeanette were even in college! The youngest ones always missed out on the fun.

"I just don't understand," Theodore said. "We were all the same age once! I mean, I thought we were triplets!"

"Theodore, it's life. You've got to get over it." Eleanor insisted firmly.

"But we were in the same grade! Now they're suddenly way older than us?" Theodore put his face in his hands and sobbed. "Where did we go wrong?!"

Eleanor sighed and went over to him so that she could hug him. Theodore had never taken the sudden growing older thing very well.

"You know why they're older than us, Theodore," Eleanor said. "They're taller than us. Age depends on your height. You know that already."

"But..." Theodore's lower lip wobbled. "Alvin was the oldest once! Now Simon's older than him!"

"Because Simon is taller than him," Eleanor explained patiently. "That's why Jeanette is older than Brittany too, because she's taller."

Theodore cried loudly. "But now we're seen as nothing but babies!"

Eleanor watched as he fell to the floor and started throwing a fit, much like a toddler would.

"You're playing the part well," she said over his screams and cries.

Theodore wiped at his eyes and stood up, seemingly over his fit. He went over to the fridge and started digging through it.

"What are you doing?" Eleanor asked.

"Getting something to eat," Theodore said. "It's been like, five minutes since we've talked about food. That's five minutes too long."

* * *

**A/N: Aren't they just adorable? That is their only purpose in life, after all!**

**Now I'm going to reply to a few reviews I've gotten.**

**Smitty91: Why do you think I care about your opinion on OCs? You're a liar, a thief, you stole one of the most well known fanfics on here and everyone knows that you did, you have had multiple accounts on here pretending to be different people, and you... actually think that I'm going to value YOUR opinion on OCs? Get real. Btw, none of your OCs are compelling or three-dimensional. Sorry to burst your bubble!**

**0-TheTruth-0: I think it's ADORABLE that you had to make an entire new account once you realized that I was going to keep deleting your offensive anonymous reviews. Let's get a few things straight here.**

**1.) I do not need ANY education whatsoever on the subject, but you sure do! The Chipette in "Crocodile Rock" is Brittany, NOT Charlene who is a prototype that was never used again once Brittany was made. That's why the model sheet for Brittany from "Crocodile Rock" is inside the When You Wish Upon a Chipmunk CD.**

**2.) I still have every right to report you if you don't stop reviewing whenever I've made it clear that I want you to stay away from me.**

**3.) Are you too stupid to realize that showing your face isn't meant to be taken literally? Why would I want you to show up at my doorstep...? I was saying it's pathetic that you can't review with your real account, with your real username, and say what you're saying to me as who you REALLY are. You're hiding behind anonymous reviews and fake accounts.**

**4.) Go ahead and email fanfiction! You don't scare me. I haven't done anything wrong.**

**5.) I don't leave people anonymous hate reviews telling them they deserve to rot in hell and that their friends deserve to be raped. I don't hide behind fake accounts whenever I want to say something to someone. So no, you're NOT doing what I do! Sorry dear, try again!**

**Now that I'm done with that...**

**The next chapter is going to be on mixed couples. ;)**


	5. Mixed Couples

**A/N: Thanks for all of your lovely reviews. I don't have any more hate reviews to reply to... for now.**

**I just got back from seeing Frozen! It was so amazing! I've already watched it online before, but it was obviously way better at the movies. xD**

**Anyway, I'm sooo excited to write this chapter. HEHEHhehsdf god I hate mixed couples.**

_**WARNING: If you like mixed couples, go away. If you choose to keep reading and get upset, that is YOUR fault and not my problem.**_

* * *

**Mixed Couples: They Suck**

* * *

"I just don't understand," Jeanette looked more confused than ever. "You've never shown any interest in me! At all! And now you're suddenly in love with me?"

"Jeanette, sweetheart," Alvin smiled sweetly at her, talking _very slowly_ so that she could understand. "Don't you see? I've changed. I've matured!"

"I don't see why that means you have to be in love with me," Jeanette insisted. "What about Brittany?"

Alvin gagged. He looked flat out disgusted just at the mention of that evil girl's name. "What about her?"

"I thought you two..." Jeanette trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Oh, you thought there was something between us? Yeah right! She's a total bitch. She's selfish, conceited, she practically loves herself more than anyone else, she's a loudmouth, she's mean and..."

"Aren't... aren't you pretty much the same way?" Jeanette interrupted him, grimacing.

"Are you kidding?" Alvin shook his head wildly, his arms flailing as he spoke. "Of course not! I'm a _boy,_ Jeanette! I can do whatever I want and get away with it."

"Well, I suppose that does make sense..." Jeanette shrugged, finally beginning to understand the situation. "You always were a lot nicer than Brittany. A much better person than my sister. Because, you know, you _are_ a boy!"

"Exactly," Alvin grinned. "And now that the author has decided to make me go through a totally mature personality change, AKA completely changing who I am as a character, we have to get together!"

"We have to?" Jeanette was still a little confused on that.

"Yes," Alvin nodded firmly. "Because that was exactly what my change was for! If I had stayed exactly how I was, we would never work out as a couple. I'd make you cry all the time without even meaning to, and that wouldn't be very romantic, now would it?"

Jeanette blinked.

Sighing, Alvin continued, "You see, Jeanette, for us mixed couples to work out, we have got to become completely different characters because we would never actually work out together as who we really are."

"Ooh," Jeanette immediately began to look interested. "That sounds fun! I can't wait to completely forget about Simon and fall completely in love with you!" She suddenly gasped, her eyes wide. "Oh my gosh, it already happened! I am head over heels in LOVE with you!" She got down on her knees and started to bow down to him. "You're practically like, a _god_ or something!"

"Of course I am," Alvin grinned, before shoving a ring onto her finger. "Now let's get married and have dozens of babies."

* * *

"I can't believe she forgot about me just like that," Simon whispered, staring from the window outside out of the convenient house that Alvin and Jeanette were currently in. "I mean, I get that Alvin's totally perfect and we're all nothing compared to him and literally everyone is in love with him. Who am I kidding, even I get the urge to suck his... well, you know, sometimes... but it still hurts."

"God damn it," Brittany was muttering, glaring at the brand new couple. "Looks like me and you have to get together now."

"What do you mean?" Simon looked over at her.

"Well, Alvin and Jeanette are together now, so obviously me and you are going to have to be shoved together... I mean, I'm not getting together with Theodore or anything! Gross!" Brittany made a face just at the thought of that. "Can you imagine how horrible of a relationship that would be?"

"Kind of exactly like Alvin and Jeanette's relationship except the gender roles are swapped?" Simon guessed.

"Huh? Oh no no no. Alvin is a BOY! That means he can get away with anything, including being in a relationship that would never actually work, but when it comes to me I could never be with Theodore even though it would basically be the same relationship as Alvin and Jeanette's because I'm a total monster. Duh." Brittany explained matter-of-factly.

"Oh," Simon nodded, finally understanding. "You _are_ kind of a monster."

Brittany sniffled sadly. "Yeah, I know..." Then she suddenly gasped and looked over at Simon excitedly. "Hey! I've got an idea!"

"What?" Simon asked suspiciously.

"How about we make the best of this relationship thing we've automatically got to get into with each other, and completely change who we are? I'll pretend I'm not ashamed to be seen with you in public because I'm a petty brat, and you can pretend that you can stand being around me for more than five minutes without wanting to strangle me. Oh and, because you're a guy, you can help me see the light, and I'll become less of a bitch! It's totally perfect!"

"Wow," Simon said in amazement. "That's sexist, stupid, unrealistic, and we'd have completely different personalities from our actual ones... I guess mixed couples aren't so bad after all!"

* * *

"So," Eleanor glared at Theodore. "Looks like _we_ have to get together now."

"Is... is that a bad thing?" Theodore winced at the harsh look on his friend's face.

"Of course it is!" Eleanor screeched. "Why would I want to be involved in a canon couple? Everyone knows how totally boring, cliche, and uncreative stupid canon couples are! UGH!"

"Eleanor, you're acting so out of character..." Theodore whispered, horrified.

"Oh, I'm sorry Theodore. But can you blame me?" Eleanor sobbed loudly. "I was really hoping I'd get to be paired up with Alvin!"

Theodore stared at her in shock. "Since when do you like boys like Alvin?"

"I don't," Eleanor blew her nose into a convenient tissue. "Don't you remember my line from our movie _Meet the Wolfman_, where I specifically stated I'd never date a boy like Alvin? That's exactly why I wish I was paired with him. Doing things that you would never do as a character is _in_ now, Theodore! It's the cool thing to do!"

"Um, okay?" Theodore was beyond confused now.

"And plus," Eleanor continued, "Jeanette has got nothing on me! Alvin and I both like sports. Doesn't that mean we're like, totally destined to be together?"

"Well, no not really..." Theodore shook his head.

She couldn't take it anymore, she just sat there and cried loudly while Theodore attempted to comfort her.

It just wasn't fair!

Alvin got to become an overbearingly nice and caring person and Jeanette got to date him, Simon got to teach Brittany how to not be such a bitch, and she and Theodore just got to be in a relationship that involved ridiculous things like _true love_ and _compatible personalities._ Oh, the horror!

"Maybe being part of a canon couple won't be so bad," Theodore attempted to make her feel better. "We'll get to be genuinely happy while still staying true to ourselves. Besides, don't you remember that episode from the show that showed all three of us canon couples were destined to be together no matter what?"

"You don't understand," Eleanor shook her head. "Nothing is better than a fake, out of character, twisted mixed couple. Nothing."

* * *

**A/N: Did I mention I hate mixed couples?**

**Do NOT waste your time reviewing and telling me "this is so not true, mixed couples would totally work, blah blah blah!" because I literally do not care what any mixed couple shipper has to say about this if it's negative and I will always wholeheartedly disagree with you. If you review anonymously it will be deleted. If you review with an account I will blow up on you because I already said if you really liked them to not read this.**

**And I'm not specifically hating on any mixed couple shippers personally. One of my best friends likes Alvon, and I absolutely hate Alvon and think it's disgusting. So don't try and tell me I'm doing anything like that either! I'm just hating on mixed couples themselves in a fun way, which I can do.**

**I didn't get any hate on my last chapter, but I just feel like this one is going to get some, so I wanted to put that out there.**

**Next chapter will be... something. I haven't totally made up my mind yet. We'll see.**


	6. Personality Problems

**A/N: I wish my serious multi-chapters got reviews as fast as this does. xD **

**Guess it's because it's controversial... either way, thank you all for reviewing!**

**To the person who reviewed with the name 4thchipmunkmovie: Lol wtf? I don't care. I still hate OCs. They suck and I hate them. I'm not deleting this.**

**Anyway, I wanted to write this chapter to prove a point. I hate whenever I read a story and I feel like a Chipette is acting like her counterpart, or vice versa. I hate whenever people try to say the canon couples are the same characters.**

**They're not the same! So I figured... writing this would really show just how different they are, and how weird it is to see them with their counterpart's exact personality instead of their own. Enjoy. ;)**

* * *

**Brittany and the Chipettes**

* * *

"Hey! Do either of you want to play with me?" Theodore called out to his brothers, a soccer ball resting on his hip.

They were all enjoying the beautiful day outside, just in their own ways. Theodore, the ever so bubbly and confident youngest brother of the three, was playing with the new soccer ball that Dave had bought for him. He loved sports! He wished his brothers would play with him, but unfortunately they didn't look too interested.

Simon had his face buried in a book. He would only occasionally look up before quickly turning his attention back to the words on the pages in front of him. He rarely ever spoke up; he was just so shy and quiet, he mainly kept to himself.

And Alvin was busy painting his nails a bright shade of red.

Yeah... they'd mostly grown accustomed to Alvin's strange habits and had stopped questioning it.

"I'll take that as a no?" Theodore raised an eyebrow.

He wasn't afraid to get a little snappy if he needed to. It wasn't like he was actually a timid person who rarely stuck up for himself or anything like that! Pshh, no, who would ever _dream_ of such of a thing like that? He was outspoken! Brave! The exact opposite of the personality he was given in the actual show!

"N-no thanks..." Simon muttered, not looking up from his book.

"Ugh, and get all gross and sweaty?" Alvin stuck his nose in the air. "_No_ thank you, Theodore."

Theodore sighed. He was so bored. He couldn't wait to go to the Chipettes' house later that evening. He wondered what they were up to...

* * *

"Where is it!" Brittany cried out frantically, running around the room.

"You'd think by now you'd learn to keep track of it if it's so important to you," Jeanette muttered under her breath.

Jeanette sure was one sarcastic girl. She was always making witty remarks on things, because that was totally in character for her.

"M-maybe it's under your bed again, that's where it was last time..." Eleanor suggested.

Eleanor was a cheerful but shy Chipette. Everyone knew her as nothing but 'the cute one', because she was seriously just sooo adorable! So cute that just listening to her speak would make you want to PUKE at times, because the cuteness was just so... _cute!_

Brittany considered that and looked under her bed, pulling out a yellow scarf.

"I knew it'd be under there!" she exclaimed, happily putting on her most prized possession. Eleanor bit her lip while Jeanette rolled her eyes.

"I'm so happy I thought to look there," Brittany continued proudly. "I wouldn't be able to perform tonight without this, and can you imagine how disappointed people would be if _Brittany and the Chipettes_ didn't perform?!"

"Brittany, our band name is just _The Chipettes._" Jeanette corrected her, looking annoyed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Brittany asked, her eyebrows raised.

"It's just-"

"Never mind!" she quickly interrupted, no longer interested in the subject. "I don't have time to chat, I've got to go finish getting ready. Gosh, the guys sure aren't going to be able to take their eyes off of _me_ tonight whenever I'm on stage!"

She winked at her two sisters before disappearing out of the room.

"What a slut," Jeanette muttered.

"Y-yeah," Eleanor quietly agreed.

Everyone knew that Brittany was totally boy crazy. She flirted with any boy that had a pulse, because she was _obsessed_ with them.

Just then the doorbell went off. Jeanette and Eleanor knew who that would be, they'd invited the boys over so they could see each other before they had to go to their concert.

* * *

"Ugh, God, what's_ taking_ them so long?" Alvin whined, stomping his foot.

"We just rung the doorbell," Theodore reminded him with narrowed eyes.

"I-I'm sure they're c-coming..." Simon said, the door opening as soon as he said that.

Theodore sprung forward and hugged Eleanor. "Hi Ellie!" he greeted her.

Eleanor blushed, giggling as she said, "H-hi Theodore..."

"Hello Simon," Jeanette smiled.

Simon's face turned red and he was too shy to speak up and say anything back. Instead he went to walk inside and tripped over thin air.

Jeanette immediately took action and grabbed him before he could fall. She was _always_ there to catch that damned klutz.

"Oh J-Jeanette..." Simon swooned, his face burning.

While Jeanette helped Simon stand upright again, Brittany marched down the stairs with her head held high.

"You guys are early!" she said.

"W-we wanted to m-make sure we caught you before you had to leave." Simon explained.

"Oh," Brittany suddenly started to smirk. She waltzed over to Alvin and put her arm around him. "I bet that was _your_ idea, you couldn't stand the thought of not seeing me, hmm?"

"Ew!" Alvin glared at her and quickly shoved her away. He flipped his hair to the best of his ability. "As if!"

"W-well, are y-you guys about to leave?" Simon asked, chewing on his lower lip nervously.

"No, we still have a little while before we leave... why?" Jeanette said.

"I just can't s-stay very long because I've got to go pick up my brand new motorcycle I-I bought..." Simon explained nervously.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

That had been extremely unexpected and random. None of them would have ever thought that Simon would want a motorcycle; that was out of character for him period, whether he had his right personality or not!

"Since when have you wanted a motorcycle?" Theodore asked.

"W-well you see," Simon said, "This is a story written on fanfiction, and you know that thing that says it's for your imagination? T-that kind of gives me the excuse to pretty much do whatever I want, whether i-it's in character or not..."

"Ohhhh," they all nodded in understanding.

Everything made a little more sense now. That must have been why they were all acting nothing like themselves! Thank God for being able to unleash their imaginations!

* * *

**A/N: That kind of sucked but I really wanted to get the point across that the Chipmunks and Chipettes are NOT the same.**

**The Chipettes are not called "Brittany and the Chipettes".**

**Brittany is not a huge flirt just because Alvin is (I HATE seeing this in stories omfg), Eleanor is not a shy person, Jeanette isn't sarcastic like Simon and he isn't a quiet or timid person, etc.**

**The counterparts compliment each other perfectly, but that doesn't mean they're the exact same characters.**

**They. Are. Different. Okay? Okay.**

**Oh and... a lot of people use the excuse that you can "unleash your imagination" so they can butcher characters. Haha no.**


	7. Not Another Rule Story

**A/N: I only wrote this chapter so fast because I just got a review that I wanted to say something to but couldn't because it was anonymous (of course!) so you can thank "Angry Reviewer" for getting another chapter so fast.**

**But I'll get to replying to reviews at the end of this.**

**This chapter is a parody on those stories that are like "Rules to Living With the Sevilles" or whatever that you'll see everywhere. Why haven't you guys got tired of writing those yet? There's thousands of them.**

* * *

**The Rules to Writing a Rule Story**

* * *

**#1: You have to include a lot of rules that make no sense.**

"Well that's not very logical," Simon stated with a frown.

"Not many things in t-these type of stories are..." Jeanette muttered.

**#2: You have to put in a rule that gives Jeanette an excuse to be a badass bitch.**

"W-what?" Jeanette sputtered. "But I don't..."

"Jeanette!" Brittany snapped. "Don't you know how biased some people are towards your character? They make you totally perfect, so perfect that you can even stick up to me if you have to!"

"That sounds n-nothing like m-me," Jeanette insisted, shaking her head.

"Well this is fanfiction," Brittany said simply. "So suck it up and unleash your damn imagination."

**#3: You have to make random references to things in the media that probably no one actually cares about but you.**

"I just bought a brand new Lana Del Ray CD!" Eleanor announced, holding up a CD case proudly.

"Who the hell is Lana Del Ray?" Alvin asked.

Eleanor shrugged. "Beats me! But the author writing this loves her, so now I do too!"

"Ohhh. That makes total sense."

**#4: You have to have a rule that makes Brittany get angry and destroy something.**

"WHAT?" Brittany yelled, her hands balling into fists. "That's a _stupid_ rule!"

She then proceeded to smash various plates and other breakable objects in her furious rage.

**#5: There has to be a rule where Theodore and Eleanor freak out over someone stealing their food.**

"What...?" Theodore frowned.

"That's kind of weird," Eleanor admitted.

Just then, Alvin walked past them holding one of the cupcakes they had baked earlier.

"Oh my god," Theodore gasped in horror.

"OUR CUPCAKE!" Eleanor cried out dramatically.

Blinded by their hunger induced rage, they both immediately jumped on top of Alvin and began beating him to death.

No one messes with their damn food.

**#6: You have to ban a random TV show from the house for no apparent reason because everyone else does that in their stories.**

"No more watching _Glee_ in this household," Dave announced, crushing the TV remote with his bare hands.

"Who even likes that show anymore anyway?" Simon asked with a roll of his eyes.

**#7: You must make random OCs come visit everyone and become the stars of the story.**

"Hey guys!" a girl burst through the Seville household with her two sisters following behind her.

"Who are you?" Alvin demanded. They'd never seen these strange girl chipmunks that just looked like rip offs of their counterparts before!

"We're the Skankettes, and we're the long lost second removed very distant close cousins of the Chipettes." the main girl announced. "We're here to interrupt this story so it can be all about us now."

"Goddamn," Simon cried, burying his face into his hands, "not again!"

**#8: You must have everyone act completely out of character.**

"Wow, what's the point of that?" Simon wondered. "Shouldn't you want to read about us acting like ourselves? I mean really..."

He was interrupted by Jeanette bursting into the room and slapping him across the face.

"Jeanette!" he gasped. "What was that for?!"

"I don't know," Jeanette sobbed, proceeding to slap him repeatedly as hard as she could, "I can't make myself stop, it's like someone else is controlling me and making me do things I would never actually do!"

**#9: Don't let any of them play leapfrog, because it will mess up Brittany's hair.**

"Darn," Theodore snapped his fingers, disappointed. "I love leapfrog."

"What's the point of a rule like that?" Brittany demanded.

"There is no point," Simon explained. "The author needed to come up with a stupid activity we can't do and give a stupid reason for it."

**#10: Just do yourself a favor and don't make rule stories for living with the Chipmunks and Chipettes.**

"Yeah, especially since none of you people even 'live' with any of us!" Alvin scoffed.

"Wow, a rule that I actually agree with," Simon remarked in surprise.

"I think we can _all_ agree on a rule like that." Eleanor said.

* * *

**A/N: ANDDD there you have it! :D**

**Special thanks to TheodoreSeville85 and Miss Hal Gibson for helping me come up with some of the rule ideas!**

**Now to reply to some of the reviews I got on my last chapter.**

**ELLIE L: Really Liana? How many times have I said I am not personally insulting anyone in this? You are NOT the only person in this entire world who writes Alvinette...**

**Angry Reviewer: Aww, you think I'm an evil heartless bitch. I love it! I'm flattered, really. ****I can proudly say I've never tortured any animals or stolen candy from babies... god forbid I write a parody about the chipmunk fandom though, I must be like, Satan reincarnated or something!**

**Anyway...**

**I'm waiting for someone who has a rule story or likes rule stories to get pissed and leave me a mean review, even though I've already said none of these are about ANY ACTUAL PEOPLE! They're just generalizations! But you can get mad if you want, it's funny to me.**

**I really don't know what I'm going to do for the next chapter, so we'll just have to wait and see!**


	8. Character Interviews

**A/N: I want to thank AatcLoveArtist, since she PMed me the idea for this chapter! **

**She brought up to me how people write character interview stories and half of the answers are always wrong and basically make no sense, which is too true. So I knew I had to write a chapter for it.**

* * *

**An Interview With the Chipmunks and Chipettes:**

_**AKA Screw Canon**_

* * *

"Welcome everyone!" a random and convenient interviewer said to his audience. "Today, I have some very special guests on my show. Please welcome the Chipmunks and Chipettes!"

Once the author finally got past all of the boring parts required for setting up a stupid story like this, the interviewer got to asking the important questions straight away.

"So, how did you guys meet?" he asked.

"We all met whenever my sisters and I moved next door to the boys," Brittany explained brightly. "We were new in town, we eventually all fell in love, and it totally wasn't cliche or overdone at all—"

"What are you talking about?" Simon interrupted her. "That's not how any of us met..."

"Yeah!" Alvin agreed.

Everyone else nodded, looking thoroughly confused.

"Not now guys," Brittany flashed a smile at the camera. "I'm making up a unique and creative story of how we met because the canon one is obviously too boring and stupid to actually have respect for."

"Ohhh," they all nodded in understanding. That made_ total_ sense!

"Well, okay then." the interviewer decided to quickly move on from that. "Girls, I understand that you live with a woman named Miss Miller? What's it like living with her?"

Suddenly, all three of the Chipettes looked very sad.

"W-we don't..." Jeanette tried to say, before bursting into tears.

The interviewer stared at her in shock.

"Miss Miller isn't our caretaker anymore," Brittany said slowly, trying not to cry herself. "She... she left us. For a CGI story."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"We know that!" Brittany nodded, wiping at her eyes. "But those CGI chipmunks, they just can't deal with their own canon story. So they steal from ours!"

"That's terrible," the interviewer sympathized.

"Yeah, w-we really m-miss her," Jeanette sniffled.

"Well anyway," the interviewer quickly moved on again, turning to look at all three of the chipmunks, "what kind of brotherly relationships do you three have?"

"Three?" Simon frowned.

"There's only two of us," Alvin said.

Theodore stared down at the floor in shame.

"What about your other brother, Theodore?" the interviewer insisted.

"Who?" Simon and Alvin asked simultaneously.

"It's okay..." Theodore muttered. "They forget that I exist most of the time."

"What was that?" Alvin tilted his head to the side. "Did someone say something?"

"Was that the wind?" Simon looked just as confused as Alvin did.

The interviewer stared at them in amazement before deciding to continue. He looked at Simon and Jeanette.

"Tell me about the miracle that happened to the two of you. What was it like?"

"Well," Simon said, "there was this random and convenient man that tried to stab me in the face. Luckily, my dear Jeanette jumped in front of me before he could. She was stabbed repeatedly while I just watched. She saved my life."

"I probably should have died but I defied logic and lived. I was just put in a coma." Jeanette explained, staring at Simon lovingly while she spoke.

"A coma? Wow!" the interviewer remarked in surprise.

The Chipmunks and Chipettes all shrugged.

"We all get in comas a lot," Alvin said. "It's a normal thing at this point."

The interviewer frowned. "Oh, okay. Well I hear that all of you are in happy relationships now. How did that happen?"

"It was love at first sight," Jeanette explained in a soft, passionate tone of voice. "It was love at first sight for _all_ of us. The moment we saw the boys, we knew we couldn't possibly live without them, we needed them, they were our everything the moment we locked eyes, it was so romantic..."

"What are you talking about?" Eleanor demanded. "We were all against each other in the first episode we appeared in when we met the boys and—"

"What was that?" Brittany asked.

Jeanette shrugged. "I don't hear anything."

Eleanor frowned and looked away while Theodore hugged her and said, "It's okay, I feel your pain..."

The interviewer was now very confused. Whenever he had imagined interviewing these lovable and memorable characters, he hadn't thought of it turning out like this. With a nervous smile, he turned to the camera and said in a strained voice, "We'll be back after this commercial break."

* * *

**A/N: That was really fun to write. xD Have you guys ever read a story with something like this kind of stuff in it? It happens way too often.**


	9. Davey, Simone, and Ted

**A/N: Hey everyone, time for another update!**

**You can all thank "JW" for inspiring me to write a new chapter. Thanks JW, you just made me want to write even more for this story!**

**I do have a few words for you though... so how about you read this journal of mine in response to your review, since you were too much of a coward to review with an actual account?**

**Oh, and while you're at it, take a look at the reviews on this story and read the review Miss Hal Gibson said in response to you. It's great!**

**To read my journal, just go to my deviantart page (the link is on my profile!) and find my journals. The one to you is titled "MORON ALERT" ;)**

**Now on to the actual chapter!**

**This chapter is about OC children. Don't you guys just love those stories where it's about nothing but OC babies? Because everyone knows that's totally what people come on this site to read about! Duh!**

**It's even better whenever the canon Alvittany twins, Alvin Jr. and Al Jr., who have actually appeared in the show and are Alvittany's real babies, are erased from existence. You'd think more Alvittany fans would appreciate that they get actual kids. I know I do, I absolutely love the twins and whenever they are replaced with an OC it makes me sick.**

**I know that Simonette and Theonor were never given children, so they have to have OCs for them if you want to give them kids. But most of the time... those OCs are never, ever written right.**

**OH AND PLEASE KNOW THIS: I am not targeting anyone specifically, so if you actually have an OC with one of these names, I'm not picking on you. I tried hard to think of funny names for the OCs that people don't actually have in their stories, but I feel like there probably are some stories with these names in them too. So I just wanted to make it clear that the names are purely coincidental!**

* * *

It was late at night, far too late for two small children to be wandering around by themselves. But for Alvin and Al Jr., they had no other choice.

"I can't believe they forgot about us," sniffled Al Jr., staring down at the ground.

They had chosen to run away from home. No one wanted a useless canon child around, and their parents had made that very clear when they'd slowly started to forget about the twins' existence. It had all started when the OC child had moved in.

Davey Christine Seville, a random girl that had appeared in their home out of nowhere, had clearly taken over the household. She had blonde hair and golden eyes. She was perfect, so much more perfect than the twins could ever dream to be, and that was why they could never compete with her.

Even her name made her special. When they had tried asking her if her name was some sort of tribute to Dave, she had shook her head.

"No," Davey Christine Seville stared off into the distance dramatically, as if she were in an inspirational music video. "It's just to go with my unique tomboy personality. I'm _that_ cool."

Everything was suddenly about her. Their parents loved her more than they loved them. Eventually the OC became much more important and noticeable than the two of them, and it wasn't long before the OC had completely overshadowed the twins.

The last straw had been when the twins had come home from school one day. When their father opened the door, he looked very confused.

"Brittany!" he called. "Those ugly kids that keep following us around are outside again!"

"But we're your sons!" Al Jr. had tried to explain.

"And we look exactly like you," his brother added.

That hadn't been good enough for their dad. Clearly the OC had warped their parents' minds, causing them to view the twins as horrible monsters and the OC as a beautiful angel sent from above.

They had given up on going back to their normal lives. Forgotten, neglected, and unappreciated, the twins vowed to run away and never go back to what they once could call home.

And that was just how the OC wanted it.

* * *

"So did you get rid of the canon children?" Simone asked. She was the daughter of Simon and Jeanette, with purple eyes and raven black hair. She was beautiful and smart and everyone loved her, much like the other OC children sitting around her.

"Yes," Davey announced proudly. "They're long gone."

She had made it her mission to get rid of the twins, which wasn't a hard thing to do. Everyone loved OCs, they were creative and unique and oh so special.

Those twins were asking for it, having the nerve to actually exist when a cute little OC like her could be made so that the author would look like a total genius. They had gotten what was coming to them.

"Good," Simone nodded in approval. She adjusted her glasses, which her mom, Jeanette, had handed down to her... because that's _totally_ how glasses work! People don't have their own prescriptions or anything, goodness no! What a _silly_ idea.

Simone actually would not have been too bad of an OC if she had been done right. It wasn't Simon and Jeanette's fault that they hadn't been shown to have kids in the show. But with an OC child like Simone, Simon and Jeanette had been regretting having a child.

Simone was smart, funny, quirky, brave, smart, loved by everyone, and smart. If it wasn't enough that her parents had been overshadowed before she had even stepped into the picture, now she was taking even more limelight away from them. She was the star now, because she was an OC and she was better.

From across the table the OCs were sitting at, an unintelligable mutter could be heard.

"What did you say, Theonor Child?" Davey asked. She could never be bothered to remember his name, he was so unimportant.

"I said," the boy cleared his throat once he was done shoving an entire cake into his mouth, "have you got anymore food? And my name is Ted."

"Theonor Child!" Simone growled. "Would you shut up about food for once! We're discussing important matters here."

"Oh, sorry," Ted said. He wasn't bothered by anything because he had no personality, he just liked to eat food. "And my name is Ted," he reminded them again.

Davey and Simone looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Stupid Theonor Child, just as useless as his parents.

Suddenly the door was swung open, and a very angry Simon burst into the room.

"Simone!" he snapped. "What have I told you about having evil OC meetings in your room?"

"To not do it," Simone said. Davey giggled, her friend was so funny and clever!

Simon's eye twitched.

"Then what is all of _this?_" he demanded, gesturing towards them.

"This," Simone gestured around the entire room, "is my world now. You don't matter anymore. You're just a stupid canon character. But me, Davey, and Theonor Child? We're the stars now."

Davey nodded while Ted began to gnaw away at the table they were sitting at, too consumed by his hunger to pay attention to the heated conversation now taking place.

"You," Simon pointed a threatening finger at the demon spawn posing as a child of his, "are getting taken to the closest adoption center right away in the morning."

Simone leaned back and smiled smugly.

"Go ahead," she told him. "That'll just give me a traumatic and depressing backstory. People will love me even more."

Simon screamed in frustration and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

The OC children all high fived each other. They knew they would get their way, they always did.

After all, OCs were much more important than the canon characters. They would always get the main focus, because everyone comes on fanfiction to read about annoying Mary Sues, not the actual characters in the show. That would be a _silly_ idea.

* * *

**A/N: A very silly idea indeed.**

**Just a heads up, the next chapter I post for this will be the last. Once I write that I'll have covered every major thing to cover in this parody, and I'm getting tired of having to worry about this story when I'm already stressed enough about my actual serious stories. xD**

**Oh and anonymous reviews now have to be accepted by me. You people that think you're cute by reviewing and hiding behind an anonymous mask won't be getting that privilege anymore. :) I'm sure that's going to tone down the amount of people that think they're "gutsy" for trying to attack me.**

**Thank you to Haley for helping me come up with Davey and Ted's names.**


	10. Truth or Dare

**A/N: Yay for quick updates! Enjoy the very last chapter of What Not to Do!**

* * *

**Truth or Dare**

* * *

The six Chipmunks and Chipettes were all gathered around together in a circle, playing a very exciting and interesting game of Truth or Dare, because there haven't been enough stories written like that already.

It was Theodore's turn to ask a question. He looked at Jeanette and asked, "Who do you have a crush on?"

Jeanette turned a bright red. "Um..."

"Theodore!" Alvin snapped. "This is why you never get any lines! What kind of a question is that? Everyone knows who has a crush on who, it's not some big mystery."

"I-I thought it would be a great way to add suspense to the story," Theodore tried to explain. "It's... it's an original idea to ask someone who they have a crush on like none of us know."

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Just shut up Theodore, you've talked enough for one story."

Theodore stared down at his hands and cried quietly while the game continued.

"Brittany," Jeanette said. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Brittany said boldly.

Jeanette pretended to think about it before saying, "I dare you to kiss Alvin."

This time Alvin and Brittany both rolled their eyes.

"Like we've never heard that one before," Alvin said dryly.

"Honestly Jeanette, couldn't you be a little more original?" Brittany scoffed. "And why would you even want to see the two of us kiss anyway? That's kind of creepy."

Jeanette's cheeks turned red again. "I-I don't!" she insisted. "The author just needs to find a cheap way to get you two together!"

"Well we're not kissing until the author actually thinks of a realistic and well thought out way for us to get together," Alvin said while Brittany nodded in agreement.

"Good luck ever kissing then," Eleanor said.

Brittany turned to glare at her. "Who gave YOU permission to speak?"

Eleanor shrugged sadly and grew quiet again.

"I'll go next since Brittany's a bitch and didn't actually do her dare," Simon announced. "And I'll even be generous and ask the fat green girl a question. Truth or dare, Elvira?"

"It's Eleanor," she stared at him in shock.

"Whatever. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," she finally said.

Simon grinned. "I dare you to stop being so unimportant and actually get a real part in a story." Before she could do anything, he added, "Oh wait, that'll never happen!"

Everyone except for Theodore and Eleanor laughed and high fived each other.

"I can't take this anymore," Eleanor whispered to Theodore. "Let's _kill_ these assholes. Then we'll have to be the stars in a story."

Theodore stared at her with wide eyes. "W-what?! We can't..."

"Never mind."

The game continued, each question getting more and more stupid as it did. Eventually it was Jeanette's turn again, and she decided it would be fun if they all got asked a question at once.

"Truth or dare, guys?" she asked.

"Dare!" everyone exclaimed in convenient unison.

"I dare you all to go read a story on fanfiction," Jeanette said.

Next the Chipmunks and Chipettes found themselves all crowded around a computer, reading away at the first story they could find.

"I love how shy and nice I am in this story," Brittany said excitedly. "It's so unlike me! How cool!"

"Not as cool as how nerdy and lame I am in it," Simon insisted.

Everyone continued to marvel over the wonderful story. They loved to see themselves replaced with OC characters that no one actually cared about at all. They loved to see their personalities completely butchered.

The only two who didn't seem to like it were Theodore and Eleanor.

"Are you guys serious?" Eleanor demanded. "Some of these stories are horrible!"

"Don't say that," Jeanette scolded her. "You might hurt the poor, precious author's feelings. They can't take hearing a negative opinion and need to be babied at all times."

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "No they don't! Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion on something. How about we review and give them some constructive criticism to try and help them with their writing?"

"No way," Alvin argued. "You can't give someone an honest review, you've got to feed them lies and act like it's the greatest thing ever."

"Yeah," Simon agreed, nodding. "That's just how life works, you go through it without ever having someone dislike something of yours. Everyone will always love you and you'll never have any issues or disagreements with anyone. Clearly."

Eleanor stared at them in disgust.

"Hey!" Theodore piped up once he realized something about the story they were reading. "Eleanor and I aren't even in the story at all!"

"That's how it should be," Brittany said. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

Theodore and Eleanor shared a knowing look.

"I changed my mind," Theodore said. "Let's kill them."

* * *

**A/N: And that marks the end of this story. Everyone dies because Theodore and Eleanor brutally murder them. Justice has been served.**

**This story was so fun to write, but I'm glad I can be done with it. Maybe I'll come back one day and write something else for this if there comes a time where another major issue needs to be parodied, but for now this is the end.**

**Hope you guys enjoyed it! I know I loved writing it.**


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